There is so much that I want to say. I got back last night from a Young Adult Friends Conference in New Jersey. It was an incredibly full and powerful weekend. And I feel at a loss for words to embody it or explain it at all. One of the things that was often mentioned by various YFs there is this feeling of isolation within the world at large when leaving a retreat like this one ... How can we explain to people what it meant to us, how the Spirit moved and shook us, how we connected (or didn't) and what it means in our lives? I have this feeling that I should be able to put into words the entire weekend, to sum it up in a page or two, and then you can walk away having some sense of what it meant for the 100+ YFs who were there ... Or at least some sense according to my own perception of what it meant for me, and perhaps what I thought it may have meant corporately. Maybe that expectation of my own ability to put it into words comes from knowing that I have been able to bring life to other experiences in words, and have given others a sense of what it was like for me, a sense of what it embodied. I feel unable to do that. Perhaps part of that is due to the fact that it was such a full weekend, with so many heartshaking, powerful moments ... There is much that came very clear for me this weekend, including leadings that I am going to have to continue to discern about, and a fuller understanding of how common many of my concerns for Quakerism are ... Perhaps it will just take some time to season to what it really meant in my life.

One thing that I can say about this weekend was that I attended one of the most powerful Meetings for Worship I could have ever imagined. It lasted almost two hours, and the messages were honest, vulnerable, and earth-stopping in how covered the Meeting felt. It was a powerful group of people that I spent the last couple of days with. Goosebumps rolled over my body continuously, and the presence of Spirit was palpable in our very breathing ...

One of the the things that I will continue to sit with was how much pain people were able to voice about the divisions within Quakerism, the knowledege that Quakerism is something that they feel is worth fighting for, and that they are willing to step into that struggle. Person after person stood, in various forums, and gave voice to their need for Quakerism to grow, to change, to become the powerful vehicle we all know it could be. They gave voice to the necessary shifting and growth within Quakerism ... But for once, it was not a hopeless process, but one filled with Spirit, commitment and hope. We are a broken people, a broken society, and yet, by naming that brokenness and standing in discomfort, in speaking our t(T)ruths, we are walking closer and closer to God. In taking our shadows by the hand, and loving them for their existence, we are, in fact, healing the wounds that have been bleeding for so long.

It was a weekend that I will continue to process for a long while. What incredible hope it gives me, and what a sure sense of duty ... Like I said, much of my more immediate calling came clear to me this weekend, and now I must sit with how it will come to light. This is an exciting time, my f(F)riends. An exciting, demanding, terrifying and exhilarating time.

Thanks be to God for that.