Step one on the journey: Leave the house.
Step two: Acknowledge extreme nerves and fear.
Step three: Take a deep breath.
Step four: Throw self into life-changing journey and beautiful world of Quakers.
Repeat steps 2-4 often. (Perhaps more than once daily.)

I know now that I am not going to be able to update daily on the travels this summer. However, I think I will be able to write in a journal almost daily and I will post as often as possible pieces of that here. Here are some pieces from the last couple of days, since beginning this travelling ministry at the YFNA reunion and Quaker camp at Olney Friends School in Barnesville, OH.

June 22, 2007
I keep saying that I want to be held accountable to writing in my journal everyday. My online journal. When did it become that I could write for others but not for myself?? I keep wanting to tell people that I have been so worried, worried sick about having too much stuff; bringing too much on these summer travels. I have been worried about bring judged by other Quakers – and in the process, I have not been able to stop judging myself. I have questioned all that is normal for me, all that makes me feel like me. Wondering if I am bringing too much clothing, wondering if I should be bringing my jewelry or not. I have packed, unpacked and repacked my bags time and again. And packed my car, a couple of times, at least. I got everything that I needed to get in, I have everything I need (I think). And I arrived at the Quaker gathering and realized that I had the same amount (and sometimes much less than others. . So all that worry for nothing. Or perhaps not for nothing. Perhaps it is for the act of defining what feels important, what makes me remember who I am. I am not saying I am tied to material things (although I am sure I am to some extent, like everyone else) but that there are certain things that are more important than others. Certain things that make me remember to celebrate myself everyday. ((I am finding I have what I need, and probably still more at this point. We shall see how the summer progresses. It does bring up lots of interesting questions about the testimony of simplicity.))

June 24, 2007
Sometimes Spirit amazes me. Coming to YFNA, I was feeling like I had no idea what to expect, but I know I didn’t expect for it to speak so clearly to our work for the summer. The weekend has been filled with the incredible presence of Spirit. It is different than it has been in the past, though. Times when I have felt the presence of the Spirit in the same way have been hard and intense in their earth shattering poignancy. This time, the Spirit, while shaking and quaking others, has been constant and gentle for me, much like a mist that hasn’t lifted and does not obscure my view, but rather, invites me to see the world somewhat differently. I have found myself knowing deeply about how I can support others in the delivery of their ministry, and been awed the deep, calming presence of Spirit in what feels like all my steps through this weekend. I know that I have been inviting Spirit into my life in the past year or more in a very intentional way, and attempting to be open to it, but I am normally much more aware of the moments in which I am bare and vulnerable to God. Now, it feels like God is with me, and I am with God and I am not fighting it nor fighting for it. Sometimes, in the past, when I have felt especially in the presence of God, I have felt somewhat removed from myself, feeling like I am not faithful enough in my daily life or judgmental about how I am existing in each moment. These past couple of days, I have felt more loving, accepting of myself as a faith-filled and faith-ful individual – just as I am. It reminds me of one of the most romantic lines I have ever heard in a movie – “I love you, just as you are.” I am starting to finally believe that God really does love me, just as I am. And I am beginning to be able to believe that because I am finally learning what it means to love myself, just as I am.
Every time I turn around, I find people searching for how we, as a faith community, can begin to engage in dialogue across the theological barriers that exist in our various branches of faith community. The yearning is strong and deep and ever-present. In a world full of disconnection, we are fighting to become connected again with those who we perceive as “other” from us. It is a hard work to engage in, a hard road to attempt to walk, but one that is so very vital. It is one that people are terrified of and still have so much energy for. It is neither specific to an older or younger generation, but a message that all Friends seem to have heard in various ways. Or, all Friends that I have come into contact with in this gathering and in much of my time leading up to this summer. In talking with Friends leading up to the summer, someone said something about either (or both) of us not being able to save the Society. It was a caution thrown out often, as if we thought we would be the deciding force to bring back together the community of Friends as it once was. In that same conversation, someone said that we would need a Quaker army of sort. A Quaker communication and love army, if you will. Of willing servants to do God’s work. I know this to be true, and I know it to be true that the army is gathering. Or the work is beginning. And there are many people who are already involved and many more who will become involved over time. I believe that this healing that so often feels so impossible and improbable is already underway. The healing of these rifts is beginning, and although it won’t be a short work, I do believe that if it is God’s will, it will happen. All that it requires is deep listening and faithful action. I say that as if it’s easy. All that needs to happen is deep listening and faithful action. Two of the hardest things to do in life. But also two of the most important things that we can do. ((Since writing this piece, I know that I am uncomfortable with the war images in it, but have no other images coming to mind at this point. I think it will be a evolving image for the summer.))

So those are some of my thoughts at the moment. I believe this summer will prove to be a truly incredible one of growth for me, my traveling companion and perhaps some of those we come into contact with. The Quaker world is moving, and it is inspiring to behold.