I have been gently nudged over the last week to update here about my travels this summer. I have recieved wonderful emails from dear Friends who say things like, "I am looking forward hearing more about your trip on your journal when you get a chance to update it" and the sort. It has made me smile. The authentic request to hear more about this summer has not gone unnoticed. The trouble is that I don't know what to say.

Each day, it seems, in the Quaker world is three times longer than one in the "outside" world. And the work that I do in it, when I find myself in alignment with God's will, is so much more humbling and personal. It is difficult, then, to find words to describe such an experience. I suppose I could talk about the fact that I continue to enjoy the long car drives and have noticed a wonderful pattern of car-zanyness as we near the end of each long day in our wonderful bio-diesel car. I could talk about the places, or the people. But what I want to talk about is the ever present action of God in my life and the way it takes my breath away. But how in the world would I ever find the words to explain what it has looked like for the past month of traveling in the ministry? With no other option except not talking at all, I suppose I will try to put to words what only the heart can truly understand.

Traveling in the ministry is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. By no means did I think it would be easy, but I didn't expect to be stretched as fully as I have been. I knew that it would be challenging to figure out how Andrew and I travel together - and before leaving on the road, I often joked about pulling over at some point to tell him to get out and walk or vice versa. We have not reached that point, and I don't think we will. I know beyond a doubt that it is in right order that we are traveling in the ministry together. We continue to push each other to stand in uncomfortable spaces, and open space for each other to share deeply as often as we can. We are constantly finding God in our interactions and celebrating the joy of living faithfully with one another.

We continue to think carefully about how to correct people when they assume we are a couple, as it is extremely uncommon for young adult Friends to travel in the ministry, and it is an assumption that is understandable. We continue to try and figure out how to have deep, spiritual connection with one another while challenging the cultural assumption that this kind of connection must be translated into a romantic relationship. For in many ways, the depth of connection that we share is absent even in romantic relationships and we, as a society, don't have a way to understand it fully. In a culture where we are searching desperately for deep connection with each other, we are terrified of what it would really mean to build that relationship. There is great vulnerability in building a deeply spiritual relationship with another. To truly be present in that kind of interaction, one must be ready to be honest with oneself, and honest with the other, even when it feels like it's the last thing on earth we want to do. I have many people in my life that I care about and who I would call friends. However, this summer, I am learning about true intentionality in relationship - in an everyday sense of the term - and what it means to build a relationship that has God at the core of it. What an incredible gift I have been given!

One of the most powerful shifts that has happened in the last month is having a support committee come together at Friends General Conference (thanks be to God) to sit with Andrew and I to think about our ministry this summer and what kind of support we need. We sat with a group of powerful Elders, who served as midwives for our ministry, for three sessions and spoke about our struggles thus far. In that space, I spoke about feeling confused about having understood my role as Elder this summer but feeling lost and unequipped to serve as that for Andrew. In the course of a few days, it was named that we both have a ministry to bring to this work and that I am not serving God, myself or Andrew well in the space of trying to fill his role as Elder. I am in need of my own Elders, as I travel with a message that is seperate from his, though very connected at it's core. Having that named was like being set free from a cage that held my wings too tightly. I could breathe again. Hearing the Truth spoken that one is starving to hear is one of the most powerful experiences one can have, in my belief.

There is much growing that I am learning to do, and one of those places is learning not to shrink into myself because it's more comfortable than having people see me. This is part of the reason that I rarely write in here. After all, there is little that I am led to write about on this journal that isn't personal and knowing that it goes out to the entire online Quaker community is an intimidating prospect. It requires a leap of faith each time I post. Sometimes it's just easier to hide my light under a bushel than to risk it being blown out. But this is something that I continue to sit with, and a place that I find myself continuing to grow everyday. I realized the other day what it truly feels like to feel the height and breadth of my body and realize that I am tall. (For those of you who don't know me in person, I am 5'10".) It may come as a suprise to you, but I have never felt tall. It is easier to believe that I am small and easily invisible than to know that I am called to stand firmly in my own skin, in every inch of it. There is more I could say about this, as I continue to look at the Society of Friends and find many similarities, but for now, I think it needs some more time to brew.

I am currently at Pendle Hill, finding time to take for myself. I have been in much need of this rest, as I am often surprised by the ways in which God has used me this summer. One thing about traveling in the ministry that I have heard said before by others, is that we are often convinced we are called somewhere for one reason, only to find it was another reason entirely upon leaving. I find myself in many situations where I am asked to serve God in ways I was not expecting, and am striving to stay open to the movement of the Spirit in my life on a moment-to-moment basis. There were many nights at FGC where I planned to attend the plenary sessions, only to find out right beforehand that God had other plans for me. This summer is proving to be a wonderful exercise in letting go of humanly expectations and being open to whatever God would have me do. I pray everyday for God to help me to know his will and to help me have the eyes and ears to hear and see it.

I spend my days in deep gratitude for each breath, each beautiful creation I come into contact with, for each moment of Divine grace. I am overwhelmed by the depth in which I continue to fall in love with the Spirit that moves continually through my life. I continue to pray to find the words that I am meant to bring to Philadelphia Yearly Meeting (2 weeks from now) and appreciate any and all prayers that are sent my way in that regard. I am filled with joyful anticipation for the opportunity to build relationships at NorthWest Yearly Meeting next week. And I am deeply, deeply grateful for this day.

I hope that all you who read this journal are finding joy in your days. I pray that you are filled with love to overflowing and allow that to spill onto those around you. Blessings, dear ones.